There is a big part of my life that I don’t talk about. Nor do I draw attention to it anymore. Am I ashamed of it? No, not really. It was just 26 years that sort of happened, and I got through them. So then why do I pretend it never happened and create an elaborate backstory to my life that pretends that things happened somewhat differently than they really did?
I suppose it is because of sad news like this that makes me act in the way I do. She was not the first, and not the last murdered because bigots thought they had every right to murder minorities that they didn’t understand. In Britain, things don’t seem quite this bad, but we do have to put up with our own bigots such as Julie Bindel who abuse their position in the media to spout hate and lies about us.
I have been attacked because of my past. I was attacked in the street physically in Durham a number of years ago by three people who shared Julie Bindel’s bigotted views and intended to use them as justification for attacking a person they saw as different. I have been harassed in a former workplace to the extent that it ended with me having to endure a two year campaign of bullying and victimisation that ended going to court where they backed down and settled only after I refused to let them get away with it.
Several years ago I was refused entry to changing rooms in New Look in the Metrocentre, and BHS in Durham, because of people’s bigotry being used to bar my use of the facilities to try and clothes for size. I’ve been verbally abused more times than I can remember in the street.
Still, I’m lucky. I’ve grown beyond the abuse because I now just blend in with society and am seen just as another normal person. I hide my past because I don’t want it used against me to prejudice the new life I have. Now I read about another murder, and I wonder why I am the one being forced to hide? Surely we must work hard to create a society where it is the bigots who must hide as society rejects their unjustified stance, just as it has become for those who once openly advocated oppressing other minorities.
There is a part of me that worries that ‘blowing my cover’ my create adverse reactions for me in my life. But I answer myself with the stubborn view that to hide is to admit defeat and hand victory to the bigots. So I shall hide no longer.
I am transgendered and proud of who I am. I am just a normal woman who had to go through hell and prejudice to get a birth defect corrected, but I came through and am the better person for the struggle. Anyone who wants to cause me trouble can suck my f*ck!ng c*ck. It’s long since gone, but the sentiment to the bigots remains the same.