Book reading moved and a cushion on the throne.

First things first, a bit of housekeeping before I get on to today’s rant. The Second Life book reading of “Bringing home the stars” has been put back by two weeks to the weekend of the 20th/21st of September. The reason for this is because my publicist insisted on having extra time so that proper advertising for the event can be put in place. Something about “maximum exposure” was muttered, so I leave these things in her capable hands.

Yesterday a little habit I have got me thinking when I caught myself doing it yet again. As a little background, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and one of the things I obsess about is toilet hygiene. Zoë will testify to this fact. I tend to be very uncomfortable in using a toilet until I have used it a few times. One of the worst things I find is having to use a public toilet when out and about.

In my travels I have had to use more than a few skanky ones. You remember that scene in the film Trainspotting? The ‘worst toilet in Scotland’ scene? Well, I’ve found a few that try to come close to that. The ones that make me despair are the ones that have a little sign saying: ‘these toilets checked every hour’. What does the checker do? Have a look around then go back to their boss to say: “Still swimming in piss; no need to add any more”.

Some of the worst offenders have been in some of the places that you would have least expected it. The toilets in the Morrisons distribution centre by the goods inward desk are really bad. I never went in, but the stench that leached out around the door and the tails from white-faced punters as they exited were enough. Other supermarket chains are not exempt. Sainsbury’s at their Haydock distribution centre have one that is so bad that some-one has had enough and cocooned the door with ‘Danger – do not enter’ signs and a note saying the bowl was blocked and brimming over with crap. I hate to think which group of skanky idiots went to the effort of brimming the bowl up with their turds; that takes effort to be that fetid.

No matter what, if a toilet is useable or has to be used, I always then start my OCD ritual. First thing is wiping the seat with some loo roll, in case of any surface splashes. Then I lay out a seat of yet more loo roll so that no part of me actually has to touch any part of the toilet seat. They I use another piece of loo roll to protect my hand from the flusher – well, people who have just wiped their bottoms were touching that.

I wonder if I am not alone. Does anyone else go to such trouble as to lay the loo roll cushion out before they sit down?

One thought on “Book reading moved and a cushion on the throne.

  • 4 September 2008 at 13:39
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    You aren’t alone. I’ve seen companies who produce a ‘toilet seat liner’, which is basically a large toilet roll dispenser, giving you sheets of paper in the shape of a seat. You take one, cover the seat, and then flush it away when you’re done.

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