It’s been an interesting Christmas. But that’s not what I’m a bout to talk about. What has been plaguing me for more than a few days has been the re-emergance of nightmares. I’ve had periods where I’ve suffered from them.
Dreaming has always been a little odd for me. I remember a lot of my dreams after I wake. I’ve even drawn a lot of my writing inspiration from them too. When they happen they tend to reoccur, and follow the same theme over several consecutive nights. I also get lucid dreams, which can sometimes become quite fun when I am aware of it within the dream and can control some of the aspects of the dream.
However, when the nightmares come they cause me a lot of trouble. The last few days have caused nightmares focussing on being back at school. They possess feelings of dread, not least because they usually focus around either not having done some important homework, or that I am about to sit an exam which I have no idea about the subject of. Sometimes the dream morphs, but remains along the same setting; I’m still a achoolgirl, but there’s something not quite right. Last night the dream moved to a setting in a futuristic city. All the inhabitants were in a panic. Somewhere in the city buildings beneath us an unseen enemy was invading and killing. We all had to climb higher to try and escape through abandoned homes and shops. I remember hiding in a lingerie boutique at one point and hearing the gunshots echo from the corridor outside the door. Then I found a baby, and had to try and find its Mother. Then the dream morphed, and I was on an island with Sea Cadets, and I was a cadet again preparing old boats to go sailing. But I slipped and fell into a ravine as the tide went out and became trapped in a network of caves and tunnels, trying to escape before the tide came back in and drowned me.
There are strong emotions present in the dreams, that override much of the setting and the activities. I feel a sense of fear, danger and regrets all tinged together which do linger even with the wakened state memories of the dreams. How can these feelings persist? I don’t know, but they do. Even now there is a strange empty feeling of emotions mingled within the memories of the nightmares.
Hopefully the nightmares will diminish and I might get a decent night’s sleep again. Until now, I seem plagued to toss and turn and wake up more than a dozen times during a night.